Details

Storyteller: Renay
Tribe: White Earth Band of Ojibwe
Created: 2018
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Transcript: I was always aware of my Native heritage but was never brought up practicing any cultural traditions. We moved around a lot, and did not have any exposure to Natives, except for family members, which were mostly chemically dependent. We had minimal exposure to my grandfather and although I never witnessed him drinking, he was a very stern, controlling and standoffish person who scared me. I hear that he thought he was always right, and would beat his children if they proved him wrong. Also my mother was taught to be a very tough individual and once broke her arm, she was not allowed to cry when my grandfather set it. Me and my brother once stayed with him while my mother went somewhere, and because I was crying for my mother, he gave me a spanking. My brother said he would call the cops, and he got a spanking also. So those experiences with Natives was not positive. I did not meet other Natives until I was a teenager.

As a small child we were exposed to domestic violence, as my father would often beat my mother on a regular basis. I have no explanation for why my mother put up with this other than she may not have wanted to go home to her parents.

My mother did not binge drink until I was an adult and had left home. But there was a lot of exposure to relatives that were chemically dependent, and it was always negative. After I had children of my own, I would not go to visit my mother when she was drinking. She was a very mean drunk, and the company she kept were just disgusting to me. I would also sometimes take my younger siblings to stay with me, so they would not have to be exposed to this. My mother did not cry, and she expected us not to cry, but I was always a big cry baby. I was told that Indian children did not cry, because this would alert the white man of where you were. I don't know why my mother had this explanation. Oh I have forgotten to mention that my mother was sent to boarding school during her teenage years – she never returned to live with her parents again.

When I was an adult my mother gave me some paperwork to investigate my family tree. A relative had done some research and this gave me insight to the fact that my great-grandfather was born on Madeline Island, Wisconsin and transferred to the White Earth Reservation. He was also a chief. This to me was something to be proud of. But research was hard and tedious, so I stopped.

Having been through both mentally and physically abusive relationships, and in a very low time in my life, I decided to go back to school. It was there where I had my first real positive exposure to Native Americans. It was so encouraging to see that not all Natives were alcoholics, and it even started me to think in different avenues in respect to my mother and grandfather.

When I started to work at the center it exposed me to Natives that were positive influences. And it exposed me to their cultural traditions. We often have prayers for feasts here at the center, and those are spoken by a central figure in their Native language. I always find this so satisfying that now the Native people are relearning their language, but also that they have not lost this all together. We also do smudging. The center also offers drum and song classes, which when I hear them it sends my heart soaring. The center also sponsors a lot of pow wows, and although I do not come to them, I have witnessed the dancing and singing – this does something to my heart that I cannot explain. I often find myself dancing. The music speaks to me, it calls to my heart.

I have gone to a few National Indian Child Welfare conferences and I have so enjoyed meeting Native people from all over the country. I have also gone on many vacations which have put me in contact with Native American people. I love it when we realize that we are all one people, and we need to pull together. But sometimes you will find other nations are demeaning of other tribes. And often in the Twin Cities, where a lot of different agencies are vying for money, they will do a lot of back biting of other agencies. I often brag about the center to other Natives I meet, because I am very proud of the work we do here.

I also would like to see a more positive outlook towards Native American women projected and those outlooks brought to the public's attention, I believe women feel they are not as valued as males. But I also feel that the wrong image of Native males is being projected, because most of the stories are about war, or portray them in a unsavory light.

I am a survivor of domestic violence, and now service Native American women of domestic violence – it is both rewarding and devastating. But so encouraging to women to see what I have accomplished. I have broken the cycle of my upbringing and have raised my children to be proud of their heritage, but also to be proud of themselves. I am also a grandmother, and although sometimes my heart still breaks, I have such love in my life.