Details

Storyteller: Kay
Tribe: Red Cliff Band of Lake Superior Chippewa
Created: 2018
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Transcript: My name is Kay and I grew up on the reservation in Red Cliff, Wisconsin. We call it Misk-wabekong. I am the tenth of eighteen children - 10 sisters and 7 brothers. My mother attended Boarding School at Haskell in Lawrence, Kansas. My dad served in the Armed Forces and was a lumber jack most of his life. My dad was alcoholic and abusive - our home life was filled with fear. He beat up my mom, broke things in the house, and threatened my mom with guns or burning down the house. We often hid in the chicken coop or ran in the woods until he passed out. During the times he was "on the wagon", he was even more rigid. My family was devout Christian and I attended Catholic school for 8 years. Our community was also Christianized, and I didn't learn who I was as an Indian person until my early twenties. Growing up, abused by the Catholic nuns. Non-Indian students were treated better. I knew it was because I was "less than" but I was never told anything more. Fear was the biggest part of my life. My mom divorced my dad when I was 15 years old and we moved from the reservation to Superior, Wisconsin. It was very much culture shock. I didn't know how to socialize, I talked and looked differently than my non-Indian peers and I felt didn't fit in. Once, I froze my ears walking the 20 blocks to school in the winter because I didn't know how to take a bus and I was afraid to ask because I would look dumb. I ended up with the wrong crowd, drinking and fighting and going to jail. I was sent to foster homes and ultimately, to a reform school. At the age of 17, I decided I needed to straighten out my life and I took advantage of this opportunity at reform school. I graduated while there and returned home after 6 months. Shortly thereafter, at the age of 18, I had a son. Despite my best efforts, I struggled with alcohol and drugs over the next 5 to 6 years. I didn't know who I was or how to live my life. I did my best to raise my son. I started learning about my Indian-ness in my twenties when I married an Indian man who started teaching me about our history and I began to understand why I was discriminated against. I then began learning everything I could. I was not happy in my marriage but during this time, I continued learning and participated in ceremonies whenever I could. I also learned some of our Anishinabe language. Throughout my marriage I struggled with alcohol and drugs during times of stress. A year after my mom died, in 1992, I felt like I hit my bottom and I went to inpatient treatment. I did not know this would be such a beautiful new beginning. Three years later, I went back and attended school to become a Drug and Alcohol Counselor. It took me years to finally accept myself in a positive way — about who and what I am. I learned my experience on the long road of addiction had been passed down through my family. I learned that the violence, chaos and anger was also part of the "historical trauma" suffered by our people through many generations. I was able to understand how the punishments I experienced by the Catholic nuns contributed to my feelings of low self-esteem. When I left the Catholic church and began practicing my traditional ways, I got an Indian spirit name, went to my spiritual elders for guidance, and attended sweat lodge ceremonies regularly. I became a jingle dress dancer and I received a pipe from my elder. I have been able to change my life by learning who I am. I am a mother, an Aunt, a Sister, a Teacher a Counselor. I am beginning my fourth hill of life preparing to be an elder. I am Ogitchidawh Kwe, "Warrior Woman.”