Details

Storyteller: Fawn
Tribe: Leech Lake Band of Ojibwe
Created: 2018
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Transcript: On May 22, 1986 in a small northern Minnesota town nestled on the Leech Lake Reservation a little Fawn was born into this world.

She was born to a 19-year-old mother and an 18-year-old father who had to learn to navigate parenthood while growing up themselves. Just shortly after her first birthday she welcomed a little baby brother. Fawn learned to grow up quickly because mommy had someone else to give her attention to.

Growing up, her father was mostly absent, going to pow wows and living that party lifestyle, so her mother was practically single and a stay at home mom. They didn’t have much money and didn’t have a car to get around, but they managed to thrive.

Some years later, her mother and father had one more child before they split and went their separate ways. Her father sobered up and her mother found a new love and got married. Her mother and step-father had another baby, another boy.  

Fawn grew up with all brothers. She was proud to be their big sister and knew that she had to be the best role model she could possibly be. She decided to pave a path, in hopes her brothers would follow.  

Being the only girl, she had very different interests than her brothers. She loved being involved in school, being active in her community, being involved with sports, and volunteering her time. She was the light of her community and she loved to make others happy. She loved dancing at pow wows and traveling with her father all around the state and even on special occasions the surrounding states and into Canada. This became a huge part of her identity.

Growing up in a small town she has always had the need to travel, to explore more than what she had growing up. She stayed close to home because she was in love with her high school sweetheart and wanted to take care of their families. He was close to his family, so she never suggested to move away or travel as much as she wished. She ended up graduating with her associate degree at a local college and then married her high school sweetheart shortly after.  

She had the perfect life. She was on her way to finishing her bachelor’s degree, she was married to her soulmate, and she gave so much of herself to everyone in her life. She loved to see them smile.

The oldest of 6 kids, she has a wonderful blended family (2 full siblings, 3 half, and one step) with her youngest sibling turning 11. She always wanted to be looked at as their hero.

She felt her image was perfect.

She was everyone's hero.

Everyone was proud.

Shortly after moving, starting her BA Degree, and getting married... depression struck.

She fell into a deep dark hole. This hole got so dark that she cannot remember a few years of her life because she started to self-destruct and bulldoze her way to find some kind of comfort.

The pressure of perfection was weighing heavy on her.

She felt empty and unfulfilled.

Always having to be upbeat and happy for those around her.

She forgot to take care of herself.

She stopped going to pow-wows, stopped beading, making art felt forced.

Her father fell off the wagon and back into addiction.

She felt distant from her family.

She had nothing to hold on to.

A divorce came three years after marriage, she was 25 years old. She felt her world falling apart. Her idea of perfect, all her planning for the perfect life was all a lie. Everything anyone knew about Fawn’s perfect life was in shambles.

Her identity faded.

Fawn’s mother saved her life. She became the light in her darkest moments. Her mother made a huge impact on how she made a lot of decisions but didn’t give her much credit growing up. She remembered how she always taught her to be open minded and to be proud of who she was no matter what. Fawn didn’t have to tell her mother about her depressions or her pain, she just knew. This was all she needed to find the pieces and find her own true happiness.

Things got better.

Time was passing.

The encouragement from her mother to find her true self and not give a care in the world had started to be her life anthem. She began to redesign and reshape her identity.

Fawn wanted to be brave, she began to do things for herself. She set goals to try 3 new things a year and to travel to 3 new places. This became her reality for a few years.

She started to dance more at pow wows, spend more time with her own family, she picked up beading again, and started working in higher education. She finally finished her bachelor’s degree and started a master’s program. She became truly independent.

In 2014 she decided to try out for a singing show and the auditions were in Chicago. This moment was so defining for her identity and in finding her own confidence. She felt in these moments that the stars had lined up for her.  Everything was going so right, even though Fawn didn’t get onto the show she was proud she was in a new city, trying new things, and felt so in control and content with her life.  She was happy to be alone, she loved herself again.

The universe had a different plan.

Through all the confidence and contentment, she met a man.

This man had similar interests as Fawn and then something inside her knew that he wasn’t going anywhere.

They fell in love. 

This love was different. It was independent, encouraging, supportive, and fair. It provided individual growth, as well as a connected growth. It was healthy. Her mental health was always a priority. Fawn didn’t feel the need to impress, to care for or to be perfect for him or for anyone. He provided a foundation that she needed to continue to grow in her own confidence. She no longer felt the need to provide this perfect version of herself. She continued to live and love herself unapologetically.

Fast forward into the following 5 years, she moved to Chicago to be with him, they traveled the world, and they welcomed a baby of their own. With the new baby she began to realize that all the perfection she worked so hard for all those years wasn’t lost or gone to waste but the energy came in the form of a perfect and healthy baby boy. The only person she needed to be a hero to or a role model to was her son. All the waiting, the pain, the frustration, and all the life lessons had manifested into these perfect moments of becoming a mother.

There are no regrets.

There is no hate.

There was growth.

There was understanding.

There was self-love.

There was self-care.

Without those life lessons, the heartache, all those hardships she had gone through she wouldn’t be the worldly woman she is now. She is able to provide her son with a different knowledge than her mother could at 19. She is able to be comfortable with herself first and give her true self to her son.  

She is able to provide him with a healthy, loving, and stable home. This home is grounded in cultural knowledge. This home was her version of perfect.

Little did the tiny baby Fawn know what awaited her on her journey 30 some years ago would provide her with the only hero she needed to be, the hero to be herself.

mi’iw